September 7th: Sophia's Birthday [part 1]

Sleep was on and off for all of us at the hospital. I think it was a little easier for me since I had medication in me to help me rest and and epidural for the contractions. {these next few moments were quite a blur to me and were told to me afterwards by my mom and Malachi}

I had apparently dozed off to sleep around 6:30am [after being checked by the nurse, I was only 4 cm. dilated, since I assumed it would still be awhile... this process had already been about 24 hours!] I remember asking my mom earlier in the day how will I know it's time. She told me you will feel like you have to push and even poop [i love how everything in my family turns to bathroom talk :)] All I remember is waking up at 7:00am and telling my mom I NEED TO PUSH! With that she went out and got the nurse [who didn't believe that I was ready in just a half hour after she checked me] who checked me and said I was 10 cm and definitely ready to go. My brother and grandmom had went behind the curtain at this time, they still wanted to be there for me... my mom was on my left side by my face telling me to breathe... Malachi was on my right side holding my hand and telling me I was doing ok. The nurses seemed to be taking FOREVER!!! I just wanted to push! Once they got things set up they gave me the ok to start pushing. After a few minutes the one nurse told me to stop [she was trying to get the doctor on the phone], after no luck she said oh well and told me to keep pushing. Wow, thank goodness for drugs! I don't know how my mom did this without drugs and with 4 kids... wish I was strong like her. Anyways, I had the best support around me... my mom and Malachi... they were encouraging me, telling me I was doing great and holding my hands. I pushed maybe 4-5 time and after that out came Sophia. Our Sophia Loretta Murdoch, born at 7:30am. I was so relieved, I just wanted to see my baby and hold her but I still had to get cleaned up and the doctor finally got there after she was born and gave me a few stitches.

I'm not gonna lie, I was a little bit nervous to see her, but I think my excitement and joy to see her over-powered that nervousness. It wasn't like how I had always thought giving birth would have been like. it was kinda surreal. It was hard not hearing a baby cry after giving birth, it was hard knowing that she was gone and I would never hear her cry or see her smile. I would never be able to watch her grow up before my eyes... Next thing I remember was the nurse walking over to me holding my daughter... my beautiful baby girl... I was beaming with pride! She was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. She had the white stuff on her skin a little, but she had all 10 fingers and adorable 10 toes[they weren't webbed at all], she had curly hair already [like her momma], her lips were ruby red, she had the cutest button nose ever, she was VERY long, her skin was so soft, she just looked like she was sleeping.

By this time, my brother and grandmom came in from behind the curtain... I remember Nathan telling me "I heard everything, and you did awesome!" I knew it was going to be a time of bitter sweet. But the joy that I saw on their faces through the tears, after seeing Sophia made it so worth it! The rest of my family had gotten the call when I was starting to push and so a couple minutes after giving birth they were all there to see my beautiful daughter. 

I think the hardest thing for me was to see how everyone reacted to seeing Sophia and knowing. My heart broke for all of them, knowing that they were going through this with me as well. I think this was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry and it just broke my heart. My Sweet Little Sophia had captured all of our hearts, even for the short time she was growing in my belly.

I was the first one to hold Sohpia and just look at her and memorize everything about her that I could. I then passed her to Malachi... what a proud Daddy he was. Oh my gosh I can't even imagine being more in love with him. He was so wonderful to me through this whole thing and seeing him hold our baby girl was priceless.Was it how I dreamed giving birth to Sohpia would have been? No, but I wouldn't have changed what we did have to go through for anything and having each other to go through it together.

These next 6-7 hours of holding Sophia and watching everyone I love hold her and fall more in love with her made me so happy and feel blessed =] {I have over 400 pictures of my beautiful daughter but will just put some of my favorite, favorite ones!}

The four generations... my grandmom, dad, myself and Sophia

 

 Sophia with Uncle Nubbs and Grandma

 Sophia with Aunt Re-Re

 Her perfect little fingers {so tiny compared to Victoria's}

 Sophia with Aunt Rana

 My Little Beauty

 Sophia with Grampy and Grandma

 Her tootsies [just like her mommy's], these were one of my favorite parts of Sophia!

 Sophia with Grandma and her great-aunt Cathy

 Sophia with Uncle Nick and Aunt Rana

 Sophia with her second cousin, great aunt and grandma

Grandma telling Sophia secrets 

 Sophia with her great-uncle Jose

 These are just a few pictures of all my family holding my little love. I can't wait to share more beautiful pictures of my sweet little Sophia.

Holding this little girl of mine was the most incredible feeling ever, being able to hold her little hand and kiss her little cheeks... that will never be taken from me, I will always cherish those moment I got to hold my baby girl.