Dear Sophia,
Christmas is in 4 days, but it's not going to be what I had hoped and dreamed it would be. I'm not able to dress you up in some adorable Christmas outfit with an accessory I would have made. I'm not able to fill my camera with thousands of pictures of you on your first Christmas. I'm not able to just love on you and hold you and kiss you extra since it's a special day. I'm not able to spoil you and buy cute little things for Christmas. But most of all I'm not able to tell you how much I love you and that you are the best Christmas gift I could ever have.
Everyone is always asking me what I want for Christmas, but no one can give me what I really want for Christmas... I want you back, I want to hold you and kiss you and never let you go. I get so jealous and upset at people that they get to spend their Christmas with their babies or children and I don't have you to spend it with. As Christmas gets closer I just ache for you and long to be with you. All of my dreams I had and memories I wished to make with you ... I can't have them.
I wonder if you celebrate Christmas in Heaven. I'm sure if you do that it is the most amazing thing! I'm sure the Christmas lights are even better than they are here. [I wonder if you love them as much as me] I'm sure you are have the best time of your life with my Nanny and your little boyfriend Levi... but know that your Daddy and Mommy miss you like crazy and wish everyday you were here with us.
I love you Sophia. Tell Nanny to give you a big hug and kiss from me!
Love, Mommy
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